Season 1, Episode 3 (3)
June 15, 2011
Truman, a bratty kid whose dad controls and own the mall's security faculties, captures an embarrasing video of Eddie practicing for the school dance with a punching dummy in a wig and cherry lip gloss. In order to protect Eddie from online embarrassment from Truman, the crew bands together and uses Jack's martial arts skills combined with Jerry's communication with dog skills to sneak into Truman's dad's office and obtain the evidence of the video. Meanwhile, Lonnie pet Brazilian Monkey Lizard eats Rudy's prized grain of rice. The iguana only poops once a year, so they try to get it back by tricking the iguana into thinking the seasons are changing, causing the iguana to poop out the rice.
- Leo Howard as Jack Brewer
- Dylan Riley Snyder as Milton David Krupnick
- Mateo Arias as Jerry Martinez
- Olivia Holt as Kim Crawford
- Alex Christian Jones as Eddie
- Jason Earles as Rudy Gillespie
- Reed Alexander as Truman
- Peter Oldring as Lonnie
- Brooke Dillman as Joan Malone
- Leo Howard (Jack) does his own moves to get across the lasers. He does not use a stunt double.
- Jerry is wearing a shirt from the American Death Metal band, Job For A Cowboy, during some of this episode.
- Truman has three nipples.
- This is the first time Joan has appeared.
- Jack and Eddie are yellow belts while Kim and Rudy are black belts and Milton and Jerry are white belts.
- Grease on Milton's tray
- Dye Jerry's hair pink
- Glue Kim with sticky paper
- Bleu cheese in Jack's cologne
Jack: Oh yeah, waxy Wednesday where plastic trays meet a freshly buffed floors and legends are born.
Eddie: Hey guys, I got the trays.
Kim: Any problems getting past Marge the Lunch Lady?
Eddie: Nah, she said they don't pay her enough to care.
Kim: Hey, shouldn't you be in detention for putting a toll booth in the boy's bathroom?
Jerry: I should be, but when you sit me in the back and leave the window open, I'm what they call a flight risk.
Milton: Prepare the new world champion Milton 'the missile' Krupnick. [Takes clothes off revealing a unitard]
Jerry: Dude, eat a sandwich.
Milton: Truman, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with destiny.
Truman: Well, that'll be your first date ever. [laughs]
Milton: Ha, ha, ha, very funny. You're about to see my skid marks. OK, I thought that was gonna sound different when it came out...
Milton: [Has planets all over him from crashing into a paper mache'd solar system] Looks like Saturn is now lodged in the dark side of the moon.
Jerry: [Comes out of the bathroom with pink hair screaming]
Kim: Hold on, something's different. Wait, don't tell me... new bathrobe?
Jerry: It's my hair! This is what I get for showering!
Eddie : Dude, you shampoo your leg hair?
Jerry: [Has pink dye all over his legs] Bro, when I shampoo, I'm all in.
Truman: See you around, Pinky.
Jerry: Pinky?! Why would anyone call me Pinky?!
Jack: [plucks Jerry's hair and shows him]
Jerry: Ah, I get it.
Lonnie: It's breathtaking.
Lonnie: I don't know what we're looking at.
Rudy: It's a single grain of rice. I spent over a thousand dollars on it. A Tibetian monk spent a year engraving the Wasabi Code on it.
Lonnie: I once wrote my name on a corndog with mustard, but then I ate it, so I really can't prove it.
Rudy: Lonnie, you could never appreciate such a precious piece of art. You own a reptile store and your car has a tail. [Lizard eats his rice] No, no. That did NOT just happen.
Lonnie: It sure did. Well, we'll see you around.
Rudy: No, no, you open your girlfriend's mouth, 'cause I am going in!
Lonnie: Would you just relax? It'll come out in her poop.
Lonnie: You seriously think you can outsmart a lizard?
Rudy: It sleeps in a sock and its best friend is a stick, so I'm gonna go with a yes.
Rudy: It sounded like that thing just laughed at me.
Lonnie: Don' t be ridiculous, lizards don't know how to laugh. [turns to lizard] You are so bad.
Rudy: I guess that's what happens when time passes and the season changes... almost makes you wanna poop.
Lonnie: Don't rush it.
Lonnie: How's the turkey?
Rudy: I don't know, stuffing's pretty good.
Lonnie: It's Lenor's favorite- its got meal worms in it.
Jerry: Grease hair dye, sticky paper, blue cheese... sounds like my grandmother's medicine cabinet.
Milton: If I were you, I rolled myself up in bubble wrap and sit in the basement. I did that when my dad showed me my own birth video. Do you guys have any idea where we come from?
Eddie: My mother told me it was a pumpkin patch.
Milton: I wish.
Milton: We'll be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning... how do you like your eggs?
Kim: Do you know what you did to me?! That paper was so sticky I lost four freckles and half an eyebrow!
Jerry: And a clown keeps following me asking me where I got my hair done!
Milton: Truman's gonna be sorry he messed with us. When you poke a bear, do you know what happens? ....Seriously, does anybody know?
Jerry: Wait, how do you know the lizard isn't Jewish and celebrates Hanukkah?
Lonnie: We don't.
Rudy: Hanukkah, Hanukkah, ha ha ha ha ha, Hanukkah and a happy Kwanzaa too... Just covering my bases.. don't you think its time for you to poo?
Jerry: See, I don't know if you know this about me, but... uh, I was partially raised by wolves.
Kim: That actually explains a lot.
Jerry: Check it. [Howls] [Wolves howl in the background] Those are my peeps!
Joan: Did you say hottest new celebrity workout?
Kim: Yeah, it combines Karate with pilates. It's called -uh... Karatelates!
Jerry: [Talking to the dog] Yo, what up dog? Yeah, you and I, we like the same things. Chasing cats, chewing on slippers and dragging our butts across the carpet.
Milton: Truman has 4 brothers, he's claimed to have kissed 7 girls... lying. And he has three nipples.
Jack: You made that last one up, didn't you?Milton: No, he swims in my Y.
Jerry: The thing about me is I'm pretty tough, but I also have a sensitive side. My perfect date would end with a moonlight walk on the beach.
Joan: What are you doing with my dog?
Jerry: Oh, I'm just getting to know her.
Joan: You know he's a boy, right?
Jerry: This is really awkward.
Joan: It is for all of us.
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